Dinner in Bed

Today was a long day.. it might as well have been Monday.  My eldest son just came home from College Night at school.  I could not participate because my younger son had football practice and hubby had to work (woo hoo for the new job!).  Thankfully my neighbor took him as her son attends the same school.  I was already in bed with my dinner: hummus and pita chips

Pita Chips and Garlic Hummus

I got up to greet him and noticed he was looking up a college in my hometown (across the country).  I felt I handled it pretty well, asking him if he plans to go there.  I had no argument since it is the college I’d planned to attend as a child. I listened to him talk about how his friend is from Seattle as well and how they both want to go to “U-dub”.

But these feelings I hate revisiting start bubbling up… my babies.. at this time, my only children.. May be leaving one day.  I have to think, if they planned to go away to a local college, would I be feeling this type of anxiety?  Probably so.  Maybe not at the same level but as a single mother for several years, they were my Only family here on the East Coast.

I had a great conversation a couple weeks ago with my “fertility counselor”.  She said, “if I tell you to stop getting dressed now what would you say?” (don’t worry this will make sense in a second) I responded, “I can’t I’m already dressed.”  She said, “ok, now what if I tell you to stop eating dinner?” Politely, I responded, “It’s not even dinner time yet.” Then she put it all together and reiterated what my son told me (in a previous post).  The past is the past, and the future is going to happen eventually but right now neither one exists.

So right now, I’m going to go to sleep and tomorrow morning I’m most likely going to take my son to school… then work, then pick up my son from the Fall Dance, then make dinner, then probably sit in bed with hummus and pita chips till I’m done watching my DVR, then go to sleep and start the next day all over again.

Sweet dreams 🙂

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