I was 17 and pregnant with my eldest son. Yep, I was a baby having a baby. While I was pregnant, my ex-husband’s mother gave him this book, “I’ll Love You Forever.” Partly for her son, and partly for our new little one. Back then, I was so bitter and emotionally bruised by my own upbringing that I didn’t quite understand the meaning of this book. But, last week, my own son turned 17.
Lord, oh, how the time has passed.
A couple nights ago, I could not sleep. Thoughts ran through my mind about my 2 teenage boys:
Did I do a good job?
Did I do enough?
Did I give them enough?
Do they feel loved?
Do they know how much I love them?
Wishes…. Regrets…. Fears…
I wish I could give them more…
I wished I hadn’t made some of the decisions I made..
I hope they won’t have to struggle the way I did….
I hope they’ll always know I tried, even when I felt it was impossible.
I hope they know I always tried to give them what I thought was best, sadly seeing sometimes it didn’t turn out that way.
I’m not even sure if these questions will ever be answered – or if I’d even want to know! But, as my eldest approaches his Junior year of high school, I’ll continue to reflect… I will undoubtedly love them forever….