Marriage

I always see posts about people marrying their best friend. “Happy Birthday to my BFF” or “Happy Anniversary to my Best friend” something I seethingly loathe out of jealousy and sometimes out of regret. I didn’t marry my best friend. I wish I could have. I wished he could have been. But he made it very clear from day 1 of our dating relationship that he already had a female best friend. We went to pre-marital counseling and I thought I made it clear that I would not compete.  Which he obliged. Then a year into our marriage, I found out he secretly created an email account just to stay in touch with her and called her from his office number. It’s now been years since the incident. I’m supposed to trust him, but I am not sure that feeling of self-doubt (am I ever good enough, did he just settle for me) will ever go away.  He did, however, give me one of the greatest gifts of all, my youngest son.. Whom is one of my 3 best friends.. The other 2 being my older sons. But, I don’t think he could ever give me what I yearn for.. That title, not wife, but Best Friend.

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