What’s In a Name?

I’m at the 20 week mark, almost halfway through this pregnancy. It’s amazing the emotional roller coaster that we go through as mothers from conception till now… I can’t wait until the day we get to see that amazing face looking back at us.

The big looming question is, how are we going to greet our little one when we see him?

My thoughts on names are not to be taken lightly.

I’ve been asked if we’ll be having a Junior. I understand people want their name to be passed down to generations. Boy or Girl, how can we name a person after man, who is imperfect? I’ve been asked if we’ll have a unique name (as some are doing nowadays). To each their own. But not mine. His name needs a meaning. We have a few more months to pray on this, and I’m open minded with one criteria: I want to dedicate him to the One who gave us this little miracle.

After all, this is the name he should be proud to have:

  • His name will be on every personalized sticker and keychain that his aunties will buy him from various vacation spots.
  • His name will be called when he eagerly raises his hand to participate in class.
  • When everyone cheers for him as he runs down the football field, or basketball court,

…..or takes a bow after a cello performance, or passes a level at the spelling bee.

  • He will be beaming when he sees his name on his first paycheck.
  • When he sees his name spelled out on his high school diploma… and college diploma.
  • Then there’s that very special day when he signs his name on the title of his first home.

God created us, every one of us living beings. Yet in Genesis 2:20, He let man name them.  What a responsibility we, as parents, have to choose something so special and significant for our next generation.  And I’m up for the challenge!

So, in the meantime, here’s a little picture of our baby boy, hiding after dancing the morning away… 🙂

HOLLEYELISA20140811120525289

The Big Scare (1st Trimester)

If you’re someone like me who’s been TTC (Trying to Conceive) for years (or even months), you know the desperate feeling of wanting that positive… Just one.  I got that positive a few weeks ago but having tried for so long, I still had my guard up.  I tested almost every morning and took a peek whenever I “went” to make sure there wasn’t any blood..

Yesterday I missed a morning dose of Crinone (progesterone).  I took it as soon as I got home from work (around 5pm) then took my regular 8pm dose.   I thought I was in the clear.

But, on my way to work this morning I felt that all too familiar feeling – the gush.  I got to work and there was no stopping it.  My pants were soaked.  2 large clots came out.  One was gunky white (looking back, I think it was the Crinone build up).  I was devastated.  I sat in my office bathroom for about 30 minutes crying to my nurse.  Then crying to my husband.  Finally calling my coworker to save me from humiliation.  She drove me home where I laid in bed as instructed.

My husband met me at home and we just sat there for 5 hours staring at the clock.. tick & tock….

I could still feel cramping off and on (like contractions).  I kept drinking water and waited till our 2pm appointment.  I started clearing out The Bump & What To Expect update emails from my inbox.  I started to uninstall the Pregnancy app from my phone. The contractions slowed and the bleeding turned to spotting.

We left for our appointment.  As we were driving, I kept praying that our doctor would be kind, sincere, & gentle when sharing the dreaded news.  I was relieved to see the lobby was empty when we got there.  I couldn’t break down in front of other hopeful-mom-patients.  The nurse called us back and I started sobbing, I couldn’t stop.  I sobbed while I told her what was going on, I cried when I undressed, I bawled when I laid on the cold bed.  The doctor came in and immediately said the nurse filled him in on my story.  He started the sonogram and immediately panned towards a little moving dot… a heartbeat.  A healthy 6-week-3-day-old growing baby with a heartbeat! (There was a small section of the sack that looked like it was separating – so the doctor doubled my progesterone)

I looked over and noticed my husband with a tear in his eye – the first time I’ve EVER seen him cry.

So, here we are:  On bed rest.  Light activity, limited to carrying 5lbs or less.  But we are still having a baby!

10289889_10152431231074679_4489361788655038711_nTHANKING GOD EVERY MINUTE!!!

Social Networking & the 1st Trimester

Well, I still have a week and a half until our first sonogram.  Until then, no daily bloodwork, no ultrasounds…. I’ve been left with no other source of validation than Dollar Store pregnancy tests, my wacky symptoms, and Google.  I still POAS (pee on a stick) every day, despite the very obvious nausea & swollen boobage.

And then there was Google.  Everyone knows that every google’d symptom leads to death.  If you sneeze, you might have contracted the west nile virus.  If you have a headache, it might be a concussion.  So, I try so very hard to stay away from Google.  But no one tells you NOT to join a pregnancy group website. 

Seems like a perfect next-step! Websites like whattoexpect.com and thebump.com provide great info from people who are on the same timeline.  You get the joy of sharing symptoms and ideas for announcing your pregnancy.  But, then there are posts from people who are checking their beta levels and comparing the “darkness” of each others pregnancy test lines, and then some ladies are very sadly miscarrying.

When you start going through all the posts…. ALL 1,051 of them… this time of joy & expectation will start to become a time of dissecting, anxiety, and fear.

I must unlink from these groups, just for now.  I MIGHT join later, maybe.

So, 1st Trimester-ers: CONGRATS! Tread lightly, and just Be.